, , , , ,

Today was a weird day.

The new medicine I’m on fucks me up. I feel drained and tired. But so far, I’ve yet to have any significant face pain. Which, considering all the stress I’ve been under, is amazing. Maybe it is working.

Either way, it knocks me out. Which is great. Most of the time, I sleep like a rock. A few night’s ago, I slept until my alarm went off at 645. Which is really rare for me.

Today, I woke up multiple times. Through alarms, I had set, or just waking up. But i didn’t actually get out of bed until after 3pm. I guess that’s what depression does to you. Originally, I left the house to at least say I did something (if anyone asked). I ended up in downtown Oakland and I honestly don’t remember how I got there. Obviously, a bus. But I can’t recall which. 

I had the sudden urge to go to Target. This new medicine makes my skin really sensitive in the sun (and I asked them to refrain from putting me on anything that does such), so I needed sunscreen. 
I felt weird because i couldn’t remember what bus would take me from Broadway to Emeryville Target. I’m known for knowing these buses, but here I was, deeply puzzled on how to get somewhere I go to all the time. 

I got there and it was pretty busy. And I had already been feeling so anxious all day. I immediately found sunscreen and began walking around. I felt weak. And I felt confused. I was overcome by this fear and I didnt know what was happening. I kept walking around, picking up random things off the ground that I placed back onto shelves. I found a nice yellow shirt / dress that I also bought because yellow looks good on me. 

When I left Target, I still felt really anxious. I didnt really say anything all day. Haven’t texted anyone or called anyone. Because the one person i want to call, doesn’t want me to. And wouldn’t answer even if I did. 

But I guess this is life. Making mistakes, losing relationships and catching buses until you finally find your destination.